Let’s be real—gratitude feels like the last thing on your mind when life throws you a curveball (or ten). Maybe you’ve had a rough week, a major disappointment, or you’re stuck in one of those endless seasons of “Why me?” The idea of “counting your blessings” can feel trite, even impossible. But here’s the thing: gratitude doesn’t have to be grand, perfect, or Instagram-worthy. It can be small, messy, and even a little begrudging—and that’s okay.

I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately because, honestly, this year has been a tough one for me. Gratitude has always been part of my morning routine—it felt easy to jot down the things I was thankful for when life was rolling along. But after losing my father, I found myself staring blankly at my journal, no longer able to write down “I’m grateful for having both my parents with me.” It shook me. For a long time, I struggled with how to reconnect with gratitude in a way that didn’t feel forced or hollow. Life can suck sometimes—really suck—so how do you find something to be grateful for in the midst of grief, disappointment, or struggle?

Here’s what I’ve learned: gratitude doesn’t have to be this big, shiny declaration. It can be quiet, imperfect, and deeply personal. It’s not about ignoring the hard stuff or pretending everything is fine—it’s about carving out little moments of peace amid the chaos. Even when life feels heavy, there’s always a flicker of light to hold onto, no matter how small.

With that in mind, here are five actionable practices to help you tap into gratitude, even when it feels like there’s nothing to be grateful for. Whether life’s throwing you lemons or an entire lemon tree, these tips will help you find your way back to gratitude—one small step at a time.

Plan a “Just for Fun” Activity

When life feels tough, gratitude might seem out of reach—but sometimes, the simplest way to reconnect with it is to stop trying so hard and just have fun. Planning an activity that’s purely about enjoyment, like bowling, singing karaoke, or tackling an escape room with friends, can create the perfect environment for gratitude to bubble up naturally. Shared laughter, connection, and joy help you step out of your stress and into the present moment.

Research by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a leading expert on positive psychology, suggests that experiencing positive emotions like joy and amusement can broaden your perspective and make it easier to recognize the good things in life, even during difficult times. Gratitude often follows as you appreciate the people you’re with, the ability to laugh, and the simple act of doing something that makes you happy. These moments don’t have to be elaborate—a game night, a silly craft project, or baking cookies with a friend can work wonders. Laughter, after all, is one of the best reminders that life can still hold moments worth cherishing.

Create a Gratitude Collage

Tap into your creativity and make a gratitude collage—a visual reminder of all the things you’re thankful for now and the ones you yearn for in the future. Grab old magazines, printed photos, or anything that inspires you, and arrange them on a board or canvas. Include images of things you already appreciate, like loved ones, favorite places, or simple pleasures, alongside pictures of your dreams—maybe the house you hope to live in, a destination you’d love to visit, or the thriving career you’re building.

Here’s where the magic happens: practice feeling gratitude not just for what you have but for what you haven’t yet received. According to Dr. Joe Dispenza, when you focus on future desires and feel gratitude as though they’ve already happened, your brain can signal your body to believe it’s real. This powerful practice aligns your thoughts and emotions with your goals, cultivating hope and positivity. Display your collage where you’ll see it daily, and let it remind you to feel grateful for all that’s unfolding in your life.

Lean in with a Pity Party

Sometimes, the fastest route to gratitude is to give yourself permission to feel the exact opposite. Instead of forcing positivity, lean into what life feels like in the moment—messy, frustrating, or downright unfair. A good old-fashioned pity party can be just the ticket. Put on your comfiest pajamas, binge a Netflix series that requires zero brainpower, order your favorite takeout, and go all-in on some decadent chocolate. By embracing these moments without judgment, you’re giving yourself a safe space to process your emotions and reset.

Research by Dr. Susan David, a psychologist and author of Emotional Agility, suggests that accepting and acknowledging difficult emotions—rather than resisting them—can actually increase our capacity for joy and gratitude. A pity party can be like hitting a reset button: once you’ve given yourself time to fully embrace the funk, you’re often more open to seeing the brighter side of life. So, lean in, wallow wisely, and let the chocolate-fueled Netflix night pave the way for renewed perspective and gratitude.

Have a Gratitude Treasure Hunt

Gratitude doesn’t always require deep reflection or grand gestures—it can start right where you are, with the things you use or see every day. A gratitude treasure hunt is a fun and practical way to reconnect with appreciation. Take a few minutes to look around your home and identify five items that make your life better. It could be your favorite coffee mug, a cozy blanket, or a book that’s transported you to another world. These seemingly small things are powerful reminders of how your environment supports and nurtures you.

According to Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist and author of The How of Happiness, expressing gratitude for tangible things can boost well-being by shifting your focus to the positive aspects of your life. By appreciating the value of everyday objects, you’re training your brain to notice abundance, even during tough times. It’s a low-pressure, high-reward way to turn an ordinary day into an opportunity for gratitude.

Write a Letter to Your Future Self

One powerful way to tap into gratitude is by writing a letter to your future self. Imagine where you want to be in the next few weeks, months, or even a year, and describe all the wonderful things that have come to be. Write as though you’re already living that future—celebrate the goals you’ve achieved, the relationships you’ve nurtured, and the challenges you’ve overcome. Thank your future self for their strength and perseverance, and the joy they’ve created in their life.

To make the experience even more meaningful, use FutureMe.com, where you can schedule the letter to be delivered back to you at a specific time. Dr. Laura King, a psychologist known for her work on future-directed thinking, has shown that writing about your “best possible self” can boost happiness and well-being. Revisiting your letter down the road can reignite gratitude for your journey and the progress you’ve made, offering a moment of reflection and celebration.

Borrow Gratitude from Others

When finding gratitude feels impossible, sometimes the best thing you can do is borrow someone else’s perspective. Immersing yourself in stories of others who have overcome challenges can shift your mindset. Books like Anita Moorjani’s Dying to Be Me or Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning remind us that even in the face of overwhelming adversity, gratitude, growth, and healing are possible.

Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and resilience, highlights the importance of “perspective-taking” in developing gratitude. By stepping into someone else’s story, we’re able to see life through a different lens, often gaining clarity about the blessings and strengths in our own lives. The next time life feels overwhelming, grab a book, podcast, or documentary that inspires you, and let someone else’s journey guide you back to hope and gratitude.