First things first. What exactly is ibogaine? Well, since you asked, ibogaine is a psychoactive alkaloid derived from the roots of certain plants native to Central and West Africa, particularly the Tabernanthe iboga shrub. Iboga has been traditionally used by indigenous peoples in rituals and ceremonies for its psychoactive effects and purported spiritual properties. French researchers discovered the alkaloid of ibogaine in 1901 although its psychoactive properties were not widely recognized until the late 1960s, when it gained attention in Western countries as a recreational drug and later as a potential treatment for addiction.

Iboga and ibogaine are closely related but are not the same thing. Iboga refers to the whole plant material, typically consumed in its natural prepared as a traditional ceremonial brew. In contrast, ibogaine is an isolated compound extracted from the Iboga plant. While iboga contains a variety of alkaloids, ibogaine is the most well-known and studied psychoactive component. Iboga is often described as longer-lasting and more intense compared to ibogaine. A traditional iboga ceremony can last for many hours, sometimes even days, while the effects of ibogaine are shorter in duration, lasting several hours. Iboga ceremonies are often conducted in a ceremonial or ritualistic setting, guided by experienced practitioners within indigenous African traditions. Ibogaine experiences, on the other hand, often take place in clinical or therapeutic settings, guided by medical professionals or trained facilitators.

Lately, ibogaine has been garnering renewed attention for its remarkably successful treatment of substance use disorders such as opioid addiction. The exact mechanisms of how ibogaine works to help cure addiction are not fully understood but several theories exist. Ibogaine interacts with various neurotransmitter systems in the brain, including serotonin, dopamine, and opioid receptors. By modulating these systems, ibogaine may help reset the brain's reward pathways that are disrupted in addiction. Ibogaine also promotes neuroplasticity and forms new neural connections. This helps individuals break free from entrenched patterns of addiction by creating new pathways for healthier behaviors.

Additionally, intense and introspective experiences induced by ibogaine may help individuals gain insight into the root causes of their addiction, such as past traumas or emotional issues. This heightened self-awareness can empower individuals to confront and address these underlying issues, facilitating long-term recovery. Lastly, ibogaine has been reported to alleviate withdrawal symptoms associated with addiction, which can be a significant barrier to recovery. By reducing the severity of withdrawal, ibogaine may make it easier for individuals to transition to a drug-free state.

Although much of the discussion around ibogaine has been centered on addiction many studies have also shown it helps with anxiety, depression, and additional behavioral disruptions by making the brain release certain chemicals that make you feel better. When you take ibogaine, it can give you a deep, thoughtful experience that helps you understand your feelings and past better and, in turn, how you might deal with anything that makes you anxious or sad. Some users report that ibogaine experiences help them confront and process past traumas or unresolved emotional issues. By revisiting and recontextualizing traumatic memories in a safe setting, individuals may experience emotional healing and reduce the psychological distress associated with trauma.

I first heard about Ibogaine on Instagram when a female founder I deeply admire spoke about how transformative ibogaine had been for her and how it sparked the idea for her business. A business that has since become a wide-selling health and beauty brand. She spoke of her friend, Talia Eisenberg, who opened, Beond, an ibogaine retreat center in Cancun, Mexico after a life-changing experience with the alkaloid in her 20s that helped to free her from an opiate addiction and catalyzed her healing from intergenerational trauma.  Although ibogaine helped her overcome her addiction, she found the center she went to, along with many other ibogaine clinics, to be fraught with risks due to the lack of therapeutic preparation and integration as well as inadequate medical and psychological support. Talia yearned to bring this healing medicine to others also suffering from addiction without having to experience a similar terror, confusion, and lack of direction that ensued during her experience and that she knew did not have to be part of the process. 

Talia’s husband and co-founder, Tom Feegal, a successful business and strategy executive, recovered from his journey with addiction via a more traditional route of a 12-step program. It was through Talia and others like her that Tom came to understand that there were other more profound ways to become free of addiction. Together, Talia and Tom, realized they shared a deep sense of purpose and a vision to build a space where they can help others, just like them, to end their suffering from trauma, anxiety, depression, and addiction. A safe and beautiful center where protocols are optimized for effectiveness and staff are trained to provide best-in-class service. A space where individuals can feel cared for, supported, and nurtured. For Talia and Tom, it’s been the greatest gift to witness people come back home, to themselves, in such short periods and watch them come alive when they connect with their soul’s unique gifts and purpose.

So, what propelled me to explore ibogaine when I’m not battling an addiction or a chemical dependency? I am no stranger to plant medicine and I have witnessed in others and experienced in myself the release of trauma and accompanying profound changes with ayahuasca and psilocybin. However, although, I made incredible progress in my emotional healing over the years I felt stuck at certain points. I continued to struggle with a disconnection from my body which presented as brain fog, gut issues, anxiety, and lethargy. I also felt misaligned from my larger purpose. Every day, I felt like I was trying to swim through muddy waters. I made it each time but nothing felt easy. Being the health and wellness junkie that I am, I’ve done all of the things that one does to try and heal my physical and emotional ailments. I mean all of them. I kept returning to the idea of how much of my feeling unwell was directly linked to my emotions versus any physical disruption. I decided to discover more about ibogaine and its potential for my situation.

I booked a discovery call with Beond and spoke at length with Bo, a Pre-Administrations Lead.  He was super helpful in reviewing the types of programs. What’s also really cool about Beond is that the staff has the option of participating, at some point, in the retreat as a client. They come and stay at the center and experience ibogaine as any client would. I found it super refreshing to speak to Bo about his recent experience with ibogaine. I learned more about the 7 to 10-day program Beond offers for personal development, psycho-spiritual growth, and optimization of life skills. This program is distinct from the chemical dependency and treatment-resistant depression, anxiety, and PTSD programs. It’s centered around elevating cognitive performance, life optimization, and is designed to help individuals explore their personal growth, spirituality, and overall wellness.

Fueled by my deep-seated yearning for transformation and longing to reconnect with the essence of who I truly was, I decided to embark on this journey with ibogaine. A journey guided by the promise of healing, renewal, and profound inner transformation is what propelled me to choose Beond.  Truth be told, I did reach out to several other accredited or written-about ibogaine clinics in Mexico.  None of them felt quite as safe, nurturing, professional, and supportive as Beond did. Once you opt to move forward with your stay, there’s a mandatory medical evaluation with one of Beond’s medical doctors to review your history and ensure you are physically cleared for treatment.  I was booked for my stay in just a few days and had a couple of weeks to mentally and physically prepare.

Nestled amidst the lush greenery of nature, the retreat center, housed between two villas, exuded an aura of serenity and community. The first thing you sense when you walk through the front door of Beond is just how kind everyone is. Like super duper Mr. Rogers nice.  There are at least a dozen members of staff such as nurses, doctors, and house workers on-site at any time. The intake process upon arrival is pretty intense. Since many individuals are coming to Beond for help with addiction all belongings are thoroughly inspected by a doctor and nurse to ensure that there are no illicit substances or prohibited medications that can cause harm.  All of my beloved supplements got confiscated and the separation anxiety was real. However, supplements that are approved by the doctor for continued use will be doled out to you by a nurse at the allotted times.  Since there is always a multitude of nurses around it was no biggie. 

During intake, you are administered several medical tests including a urine analysis, an EKG, and bloodwork the following morning. You are administered these medical tests consistently during your stay at Beond so you get pretty used to them. They do not mess around when it comes to monitoring your health and safety. You are also given paperwork and several self-administered psychological assessments. Once you complete your intake process you are taken to your room at either the white house (where you first arrive) or to the green house down the street. Both houses are equally comfortable and the daily activities are pretty equally split between the spaces. There are pools at both with the addition of a hot tub at the green house. Whilst the ibogaine doses and daily meals occur at the white house, my introverted inner self preferred being slightly distanced from the more communal energy of the white house. 

Each day is filled with many beautiful activities. There are gratitude circles, movement classes, breathwork sessions, sound healings, aqua, human design readings, art therapy, and preparation and integration groups. There are perks I hadn’t even realized I needed in my life when I booked Beond. Daily massages with incredible bodyworkers and on-demand laundry by the kindest house staff. Each day there are three healthy meals cooked by a talented team that includes fresh vegetables, proteins, grains, starches, and sauces. I am someone who aims to eat incredibly clean and I found the food delicious and the chef accommodating of all of my dietary restrictions. There are also plenty of snacks, fruit, and all types of beverages on hand at all times. In addition to the well-planned days and activities, there’s a great sense of camaraderie with other retreat guests. Everyone is at different stages of their stay so those who have already had their initial flood and booster doses share their experiences and input which is helpful for the newbies to understand what’s to come. However, during my entire stay at Beond, no two experiences were the same or even similar, so that also prepared me for the unknown. You form genuine connections and friendships with other guests and everyone is truly rooting for one another. It gives adult, deep-healing kumbaya camp vibes.

I was scheduled for my initial flood dose of ibogaine on my 3rd day after arriving. You’re given so much preparation before the actual day that I found myself entering into the experience incredibly calm and ready. There’s a handbook and journal you receive upon arriving that helped me examine the intentions and the mantra I brought into my journey. There’s a lovely candle decorating ritual the night before your dose to help you further anchor those intentions. Your candle is lit right before you enter the room and stays lit throughout the day so others who observe the candle's fire can send you love and energy. I was awakened at 6 am by a nurse to begin all the preparatory work including more bloodwork, another urine test, EKG, and the placement of the IV for the fluids I would receive during the journey. I met my lovely in-room nurse Cinthia and was joined by Tom and the doctor for a preparation ceremony which included lovely words of encouragement, a cleansing with copal, and remembrances of my intentions for this journey. Finally, I was given my ibogaine capsules and, so, it all began.

I lay on the bed, hooked up to medical equipment, and relaxed while listening to an ibogaine playlist via noise-canceling headphones. It took about 1.5 hours for me to feel the medicine and then it accelerated quickly. Whatever was happening was very much happening in my body. My hands and my head started to shake aggressively. I’m not going to lie. I did get scared and I tried to fight it. I kept my body plastered to the bed in an attempt to minimize the shaking. It wasn’t constant but rather came in heavy waves. I couldn’t control my body. I began to fear that I would have a seizure in the room and wake up altered forever. I worried I would have to stop the treatment and be taken to the hospital. I felt crazed and overstimulated. I thought I was hearing noises and people talking all around me when there was only myself and the nurse in the room at the time. I became paranoid and anxious. I was too scared, however, to tell my nurse that I felt this way. Looking back now I wish I did speak to her because I think she would have made me feel safer in the moment. I kept telling myself it was in my head and simply the ibogaine in my body. My body was fighting itself and decades of resistance, trauma, and stored emotions. This was a full-on world war with me.

Continue on to Part II to find out how it all went from here. Learn more about the ibogaine and the programs at Beond by heading over to their site.