Addicted to Negativity
We bond over bad dates, the impossibility of balancing it all, and the absurdity of modern life like we’re swapping war stories over spicy margaritas. Blaming Mercury in retrograde, our parents, toxic coworkers, social media, or even our own lack of motivation for why life isn’t unfolding the way we hoped. Complaining is practically a sport, and self-deprecation? A personality trait we wear like our favorite designer bag.
But at what cost? We dissect conversations like crime scenes, criticize ourselves before we’ve even had our morning matcha, and consume content that fuels self-doubt rather than self-belief. Social media thrives on outrage, snark gets more engagement than sincerity, and pop culture has convinced us that optimism is cringe. We wouldn’t dare put processed food in our bodies yet we let our minds feast on an endless loop of criticism, comparison, and self-doubt.
Somewhere along the way, we started believing that negativity is “realistic” and that expecting the worst will somehow shield us from it. Or that tearing down others will make us feel better about ourselves. But let’s be honest—has tearing yourself down ever built you up? Has speaking poorly about yourself or others ever actually improved anything? Just try and name a time this has worked.
So, here’s a better question, one I keep asking myself: what if we just stopped? What if we swapped criticism for compassion, judgment for curiosity, and self-doubt for self-trust? What if we chose different words, a different mindset, and a different way of showing up in the world. So, let’s break it all down—why we do it, where we learned it, the different forms of negative speech, why we don’t even realize we’re doing it, and, most importantly, how to stop.
Where Did We Learn to Be This Negative?
We weren’t born this way. As kids, we didn’t enter the world critiquing ourselves or expecting the worst. Over time, we absorbed messages from parents, teachers, and society that conditioned us to believe:
Self-deprecation makes you more likable because confidence is intimidating.
Playing small is safer than taking up space.
Negativity is a bonding tool.
Criticism equals realism.
Friendships, families, and workplaces often bond over shared complaints rather than shared joys. We psychoanalyze interactions, assuming that dissecting flaws gives us control. Instead of fostering connection, it keeps us stuck in judgment and comparison. If there’s one thing we know, it’s that low-vibrational energy blocks blessings.
The Many Forms of Negative Speech
Negativity isn’t just outright complaining. It sneaks in through:
Gossiping: Passing judgment disguised as concern.
Complaining: Venting that turns into a lifestyle.
Self-Deprecation: Making yourself the punchline at your own expense.
Sarcasm & Passive Aggression: Saying what you mean without saying it, but your energy speaks louder.
Comparison & Envy: Scrolling and spiraling.
Doomsday Thinking: Believing the universe is out to get you.
In Kabbalah, negative speech (Lashon Hara) is considered a spiritual blockage that limits blessings. Words aren’t just words; they’re spells. What reality are you creating?
Five Strategies to Stop Talking Sh*t (to Yourself and Others)
1. The Four Agreements Filter – Speak With Intention
Words create worlds. Don Miguel Ruiz’s rule: Be impeccable with your word. Before speaking, ask: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Gossip, self-deprecation, and thoughtless negativity keep us stuck in frustration. Instead of saying, I always mess things up, shift to I’m still learning, and that’s okay. Language isn’t just communication; it’s manifestation. Want a better reality? Start with better words.
2. The Observer Mindset – Detach From the Negativity Loop
Your thoughts are not facts. In The Untethered Soul, Michael Singer teaches that true freedom comes from observing thoughts without attachment. Instead of spiraling into self-judgment, step outside yourself and watch your thoughts like a neutral observer. When your inner voice whispers, I’m not good enough, don’t fight it. Just notice it. Acknowledge it. Let it pass. The less you cling to negativity, the less power it has over you. Consider this your spiritual Botox, smoothing out the wrinkles of self-doubt.
3. The Self-Compassion Shift – Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Love
If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, why say it to yourself? Dr. Kristin Neff’s research shows that self-criticism isn’t motivation; it’s sabotage. The next time you catch yourself saying, I’m a failure, reframe it: I’m growing. I’m learning. I’m evolving. Small shifts in language create massive shifts in mindset. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. Speak to yourself like someone you adore, because you should.
4. The Verbal Judo Pause – Master the Art of Thoughtful Response
Reaction is easy. Intention takes practice. Instead of letting negativity fly out of your mouth unchecked, take a beat. Before you respond, breathe. Before you criticize, pause. Before you feed into gossip, redirect. A single moment of mindfulness can be the difference between deepening a wound and fostering understanding. When in doubt, say less. Protect your energy like you protect your skincare routine.
5. The Lashon Hara Jar – Make It a Game, Make It a Habit
Want to change your speech? Track it. Every time you catch yourself engaging in unnecessary negativity, whether self-directed or about someone else, drop a coin in a jar. At the end of the month, donate the money to charity. Not only does this build awareness, but it turns self-improvement into something measurable. Once you start choosing words more carefully, you’ll notice the world responding in kind. Energy attracts energy. Speak accordingly.
How This Helps You Manifest More
Negative speech doesn’t just drain your energy—it blocks your manifestations. The universe responds to frequency, and when you constantly affirm negative thoughts, you reinforce a reality where those things continue to show up. By shifting your words, you shift your energy. By replacing criticism with gratitude, self-doubt with self-trust, and complaints with clarity, you open the door to more opportunities, joy, and abundance.
So, here’s the challenge: For the next week, listen to your words. Notice when negativity creeps in and gently redirect it. Choose language that uplifts rather than diminishes. Because your words create your reality—and your reality is ready for something better.
