What’s your Dominant Question?
I recently listened to a Lewis Howes podcast with guest Jim Kwik, a brain & memory trainer to elite mental performers, including many of the world’s leading CEOs and celebrities. Jim is the author of Limitless: Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life. Limitless aims to give people the ability to accomplish more; productivity, transformation, personal success, and business achievement by changing their mindset, motivation, and methods.
If you want to conquer your mind you start by conquering your thoughts. Therefore unlimiting your mind begins by changing your limiting beliefs and negative self-talk.
According to Jim, there are certain questions you ask yourself all the time unconsciously. Your dominant questions shape your life and learning all the time. It’s where your energy, focus, behavior, and results constantly go. When you find out what those questions are it will explain your behavior because the questions you pay attention to are the things in your life you pay attention to. Ask and you shall receive; where you direct your focus is where you direct your reality.
During the podcast, Jim shares an anecdotal story about taking two individuals through the process outlined in his book to reveal their dominant question. The first individual, his friend, comes to realize that her dominant question is “How do I get people to like me?”
It then becomes pretty simple to deduce what she’s like and how she behaves on an everyday basis. She’s probably a people pleaser changing herself to make others happy or a martyr always taking care of others instead of herself. She may feel that people take advantage of her or is constantly worried about what people think of her.
On the flip side, he also shared a similar experience with Will Smith, a client of his, while determining his dominant question. He tells a story about being on set with Will Smith on a cold late night in Toronto. The cast and crew as well as Will’s own family had been sitting around, freezing and tired, waiting for production to begin. When he wasn’t shooting, Will would bring everyone blankets and hot chocolate or crack jokes to keep everyone laughing. What is Will’s dominant question you ask… “how do I make this moment more magical?” You can see, in this example, just how he lives his life in service of making each moment more magical.
How beautiful is that? This really had me wondering what my own dominant question is. After sitting with this for a bit I came to the realization that I probably fall more in line with the friend than with Will Smith. I wonder how many other people would come to a similar realization.
The good news, though, is anyone can change their dominant question at any time. The first step is really coming to understand yours.
What is your dominant question? What are you constantly asking yourself? Some examples might be:
Why do things never work out for me?
How do I make things better
How do I stand out?
Why do I feel so stupid?
What is the process for uncovering your dominant question?
Sit in silence. Listen. Review. What’s your inner critic saying? What is your sub-vocalization talking about? Per Jim, some people think silence is empty silence but silence is full of those questions.
Record. Write and journal your thoughts. Capture your memories. You’ll start to see a pattern. You’ll start to see what’s important in your life.
So the question I asked myself is do I want to continue worrying about what people think or do I want to ask what magic I can learn in this moment and live just as largely and kindly as Will Smith?
Who would you choose? I choose Will Smith. I choose to change the dialog. Let the magical thinking commence.